"If you take your hands off the car, I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document."
"If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."
"You don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?"
"Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."
"The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"
"Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster."
"How big were those "Just two beers' you said you had?"
"I'm glad to hear that the Chief of Police is a personal friend of yours. So you know someone who can post your bond."