Fractured Nursery Rhymes

Peter, Peter, Pumpkin Eater
Had a wife and couldn’t keep her.
Obama gave them Section Eight;
They still have no cash, but are livin’ great!





Twinkle, twinkle, little car,
What a gas guz-zel-er you are!
Your days are few, your grave’s been dug,
‘Cause new cars will need an electric plug.





Old Mother Hubbard went to the cupboard
To find some food to eat.
A voice called, “Hey, Mama, it’s your pal Obama!
These link cards just can’t be beat!”





Little Jack Horner sat in a corner,
Eating a burger and fries.
Obama yelled, “Jack - enjoy that Big Mac,
‘Cause my health care reform is all lies!”





There was an old woman who lived in a shoe
‘Cause her home was foreclosed on, and dollars were few.
So since she had shelter laced over her head,
Barack just gave her a cellphone instead.





Little Miss Muffet sat on a tuffet
Preparing her res-u-me’.
She thought, “Oh, what the heck - the job market’s a wreck;
Let Obama keep paying my way!”





Little Bo Peep keeps counting her sheep
While tossing and turning in bed.
She thinks of her fears as “Obamacare” nears
And exclaims, “ I’ll be better off dead!!”





Tom, Tom the pauper’s son
Stole a gun and away he run!
Knowing crime laws don’t work, and gun laws abound,
Tom will fill HIS new toy with one extra round!





Jack and Jill went up the hill
To attend the public schools.
Their teachers get paid - though they can’t make the grade,
Leaving taxpayers feeling like fools.





Mary, Mary, quite contrary,
How does your garden grow?
“The Department of Ag made my life such a drag,
Now my garden’s just grass that I mow.”





Hey, Diddle Diddle, the “Class in the Middle”
Heard, “good times are soon on the way.”
Now, they look in their purse and find times have got worse
‘Cause their government still screws them each day!





Old MacDonald had a farm,
E-I-E-I-O.
And on his farm he raised his crops,
E-I-E-I-O:
Soybeans, oats, and hay and corn,
Calves and chickens there were born.
Old MacDonald had a farm,
E-I-E-I-O.
Old MacDonald died one day,
E-I-E-I-O.
So, now tax time was on its way,
E-I-E-I-O:
County, fed’ral, state, and death -
His land then drew ITS final breath.
Old MacDonald HAD a farm.
EEE! - I!- EEE! - I! - OOOOHH!!!





Little Boy Blue, quit blowing your horn,
You’re just one of many who’s mad and forlorn.
Those elitists in Washington have all of the clout.
It’s time that the people just run ‘em all out!





The Farmer in the Dell
Was doing very well,
Then along came the EPA
And his business went to hell!




Humpty Dumpty sat on Wall Street;
He "cracked" as he watched his funds fall and deplete.
"Egged" on by advisors, he was now "broke" and poor;
He - and his cash - should've stayed in the fridge door.




Georgie, Porgie, Puddin' and Pie,
Is it Washington's antics that make you cry?
'Cause they do as they please and won't follow the rules,
But then view all their people back home as the fools?!



A tisket, a tasket
I bought myself a casket
'Twas cheaper than Obamacare
For when I "blow a gasket"!


Baa Baa Ba-rack,
Have you any will?
"No sir, no sir;
I don't have the skill".

You've ruined our e-co-no-my,
And jobs have left for good;
You've turned your back on pointless crimes
By gangstas in the 'hood.

Our allies are afraid of you;
They don't trust what you say.
Your words embolden all our foes
With their plans to play and fray.

Your conscience should be laden
With embarrassment and guilt;
You're destroying a great nation
Our forefathers proudly built.

So, please go back from whence you came -
Chicago thinks you're wiser;
But better yet, Kenya could use
A community organizer!




Hickory Dickory Dock,
Iused to punch a time clock.
And 'cause I'm unemployed, I get so annoyed
When the bill collectors knock.




Old King Cole was a merry old soul
And an ally to the U.S.A.
He knew getting along would make both countries strong
If an enemy came our way.

He was good to the States and made frequent dates
For visits, with issues to solve.
He knew we could lead to face any need
If problems would ever evolve.

The American people showed up to the polls
To elect their first potentate -
His agenda was scary, and the allies were wary
Of Barack Obama’s slate.

His words and decisions would do flips and flops,
And King Cole feared his country’s demise -
Saying, “This Kenyan cad is nothin’ but bad,
And I’ve caught him in several big lies.”

America’s losing support from its friends
‘Cause its actions, they cannot condone;
While the bad guys still play the al-Queda way,
“The U.S. can stand there alone.”






This little piggy went to market
With a link card from Uncle Sam.
The little piggy got roast beef and shrimp
While she shopped without giving a damn.

The other little piggy, well, he stayed home
Watching game shows and soaps every day.
The jerk would not work - he enjoyed the perk
Of someone else paying his way.

The other folks in the neighborhood -
Little piggies - they were NOT;
They worked hard to the max, and paid their tax,
So they couldn’t afford a lot.

The workers would scoff while filling the trough,
Crying, “This is such a scam!
If we were smart, we’d stop pulling the cart
And turn piggies into bacon and ham!”





Jack, be nimble! Jack, be quick!
Al-Queda’s weapons are oh, so slick;
You hear the deadly boom and bam
While Obama doesn’t give a damn.

Jack’s overseas without a plan,
But he keeps on fightin’ as best he can.
Obama thinks this is just a game,
‘Cause to him you have no face, no name.

Obama doesn’t seem to care
What’s truly happenin’ over there.
And another thing he doesn’t learn
Is to pray each day for your safe return.

The folks back home appreciate
The flag Jack serves - because it’s great;
But Obama has chosen to carve away
At funds to ensure he’ll be okay.

And saddest yet; once home, Jack gets
New troubling, disrespectful threats;
‘Cause his needs aren’t met and he feels the snub
While Obama swings another golf club.

He claims to be “Commander-in-Chief”
But ignores requests for Jack’s relief.
Washington’s war on our troops has to quit
And Barack Obama should start givin’ a shit!






Jack Sprat could eat no fat;
His wife could eat no lean.
The first lady gave them a diet plan
With the strangest food list they’ve seen.

Michelle said, “You folks must eat this stuff
‘Cause I know what’s good for you;
If I catch you cheatin’ and junk food eatin’
I’ll call in the food police crew.”

The Sprats vainly struggled for several long days
To comply with this odd tasteless fare.
They knew if they failed, they’d surely get nailed
And turned down for Obama-care.

Later, the Sprats concluded,
“This first lady is some kind of nut!
She’s playing the “nanny”, but should check her own fanny!”
Then they headed for Pizza Hut.





Sing a Song of Sixpence;
It’s such a small amount;
‘Cause Obama and his cronies
Cleaned out my bank account.
I went to cash my paycheck,
And when I did, I found;
That - unabashed, they’ve seized my cash
And spread it all around.

Obama’s in the White House
Counting all the money;
His wife is in her garden
Looking dumb and funny.
The Chief of Staff lets out a laugh
At all the mess they’ve made,
But the working stiff falls off the cliff
‘Cause his bills cannot be paid.

The I.R.S. loves scare-ing
The working, middle class
With audits and collection,
So many lose their ass.
The Fed Reserve Chair grins at
The phony interest rates;
He doesn’t care, for they don’t bear
An impact on Bill Gates!

I sing this silly nursery rhyme -
It’s all I can afford;
My boss has cut my hours
So I get a trifle bored.
Is this the kind of “hope” and “change”
The voters truly crave?
While Washington and Madison
Are rolling in the grave?!